3. Mai 2013
Mail from Qiao:
6. May 2013
Qiao talks about marriage and staying in Germany:
19. August 2013
Qiao in Berlin, Melchiorstraße, talking if he wants to continue his study in Beijing or come immediately to Berlin to start a new study.
8. September 2013
Qiao goes back to Shanghai
14. September 2013
Decision that Qiao will continue his study in Shanghai until Bachelor degree.
Mail from Gerrit:
20. October 2013
Love declaration from Qiao:
26. October 2013
Qiao considered work/internship, but has now the plan to come in January/February to Tenerife
3. November 2013
Qiao has problems:
4. November 2013
14. November 2013
Gerrit and Qiao:
15. December 2013
Gerrit and Qiao talk again about to stop Qiao’s study in Shanghai:
22. December 2013
Qiao got the visa for Germany and will come to Tenerife. Gerrit booked the ticket for him. Qiao expects to become clearer about his future. In his focus he got the bad situation of LGBT-people in China, and he wants to work for them as he told Gerrit. He will engage himself for the society and not just focus on his carrier and to earn money.
6. January 2014
Qiao talks about his feelings:
13. January 2014
Qiao arrives on Tenerife and is together with Gerrit.
16. January 2014
Gerrit will come in May/June to China and Qiao will skip the school for 3 weeks to travel with Gerrit in China. Qiao reports about his trip to Tibet, Gerrit is very impressed.
30. January 2014
Chinese New year. Qiao feels sad, thinking about his family. He is somehow homesick and feels guilty towards his parents. He thinks he has to „pay back“. He also feels unhappy with western foods which he partly depicts as „disgusting“. Conflict with Gerrit about what he said about „Chicken feet“ which is popular in China. Also some conflicts about housework. Gerrit complains he behaviour as unattentive and childish, Qiao complains Gerrits admonitions. But then later both have been good again. Qiao plays guitar with Vijelio in a public concert. The perspective is now: Qiao will finish his study 2015 and then move to Berlin.
13. February 2014
Qiao leaves Tenerife
5. March 2014
In two mails Qiao confesses is unhappiness about his time on Tenerife and doubts his relationship to Gerrit. Gerrit answers.
8. March 2014
Qiao tells Gerrit by chat that he overcame his crises and stands totally on his side.
Gerrit’s mailt to Qiao:
10. March 2014
Qiao has a friend who prays for him:
12. March 2014
Gerrit and Qiao plan to meet in Thailand im May.
23. March 2014
Long mail exchange Qiao/Gerrit about
1.) Sex, monogamy, jealousy, civilization, culture, moral
2.) Charity, selfishness and egoism
3.) Life in America
4.) Dead, Life and adventure
also about the „Chinese heart“ a westerner never can understand.
Now he mentioned that he wants to study and to work in America:
Gerrit judges that Qiao is vacillating between overestimating his capabilities and inferiority feeling. One hand he stresses he connection to Gerrit, but on the other hand it looks like Gerrit is an obstacle for him.
6. April 2014
Gerrit and Qiao are talking about how to proceed to come into a formal partnership due to German law.
6. May 2014
Gerrit and Qiao meet in Bangkok. We spend some days in Bangkok and then went by bus to the island Ko Tao. Qiao wanted to make a diving course which Gerrit in the beginning rejected.
11. May 2014
Qiao complained the stupidness of Gerrit which caused a serious conflict, this and a row of more conflicts about tiny things questioned the relationship. But soon all was good again.
16. May going to Bangkok again. And then flight to Wuhan and train to Jingzhou to Marco.
21. May 2014
Qiao and Gerrit are going to Shanghai. Renting a room for them. Talkings about his future and what he wants to do. Fashion, design, finance, MBA, management, open a restaurant, and really come to Berlin?
25. May 2014
Gerrit leaves Shanghai and heads for Beijing.
6. June 2014
Qiao sends Gerrit a poem:
16. June 2016
Qaio passed the last exam and will go to his home town to get the drivers licence.
25. 6. 2016
Qiao ask Gerrit if he is ready for a partnership:
Qiao failed to pass tests and is in despair.
13. July 2014
Qiao tells Gerrit that he feels well with his family. They have discussions about identity, philosophy and future. Gerrit sends a mail:
31. July 2014
Qiao tells Gerrit that he does not want to live with Gerrit in Europe:
1. August 2014
Qiao informs Gerrit that is was a misunderstanding:
18. August 2014
Gerrit delivered documents to the Standesamt for partnership. Qiao writes:
21. August 2014
Qiao mentions again that he would like to study in the US.
25. August 2014
Qiao arrives in Berlin. He rails against Germany and regrets that he came to visit me, but later he excuses.
28. August 2014
Qiao and Gerrit travel to Norway/Tynset, having a good time in the cottage and on mountain trips.
12. September 2014
Qiao and Gerrit in a crisis because of controversial political topics and about the discussion style.
16. September 2014
Flight via Trondheim to Berlin
18. September 2014
Gerrit and Qiao at the Standesamt. Qiao reminds Gerrit to think the partnership over, referring to his craziness and extreme reactions.
25. September 2014
Qiao returns to Shanghai
14. October 2014
Message from Qiao:
7. November 2014
Mail from Gerrit to Qiao:
12. November 2014
Message from Qiao:
18. November 2014
Qiao has doubts referring to his stay in Berlin:
24. November 2014
Qiao reports about problems with his friend Frank and Eric, and the fear to be HIV-positiv
4. December 2014
Qiao wrotes about himself:
27. December 2014
Something which makes Gerrit love Qiao more:
9. January 2015
Qiao comes to Berlin
12. January 2015
Trip with Qiao to Hamburg and Kiel.
16. January 2015
Qiao visits a friend in Lyon
The relation between Qiao and Gerrit is harmonious. Gerrit sometimes thinks that Qiao behaves like a child but wants to be treated as an adult.
24. January 2015
Flight to Tenerife.
28. January 2015
Gerrit mentions the harmonious time with Qiao.
30. January 2015
Discussions with Qiao about he wants to have the partner link with Gerrit removed from his Romeo profile.
1. February 2015
The atmosphere is lowering. Qiao states: 1.) I am not ready for marriage, 2.) You are too much for me, 3.) I am struggle with myself. But later again better.
11. February 2015
Flight back to Berlin
14. February 2015
Qiao sees the first time the new house in Baumschulenweg under construction. He dislikes it. After all Gerrit is doubting if he really wants to stay in Berlin after finishing his study in the summer 2015, especially as Qiao is still thinking that to study in the US is the best since the ranking of German universities in the international ranking list is on the end.
15. February 2015
Qiao tells, that he might not come in the late summer to Berlin but at the end of the year 2015. Because he might start an internship in Shanghai.
17. February 2015
Ceremony for Partnerschaft in the Standesamt. Qiao realized the fact, but the sentiment was good.
18. February 2015
Flight to Norway. Diskussion about his plan to stay the second year in Shanghai for an internship. He want to stay with a friends house, so it will be not possible for Gerrit to Shanghai to stay with him.
25. February 2015
Discussion about money. Gerrit states that Qiao is somehow spoiled, buys too much cloth and goes to restaurants, using much money. Qiao is angry. Skiing seems to be fun. Basically Qiao feels unsatisfied: with himself, with the study, with his performance in the study, with his parents, with China in general, with the food here…
1. March 2015
Flight back to Berlin after a short stay in Trondheim
2. March 2015
Qiao tells that he does not want to live in Europe and also does not want to learn German. He does not see a common future for the relationship and recommends Gerrit to look for a new partner. He does not see sense in his life and wouldn’t mind if he does not wake up next morning. Gerrit feels tired and empty.
3. March 2015
Qiao returns to China
9. March 2015
Message and mail from Qiao, giving a shock to Gerrit:
The mail contents Gerrit’s answers:
10. March 2015
Qiao balances his mail:
14. March 2015
Qiao tell about his connection to an American professor who might help him to find a job in a consulting company.
22. March 2015
Message from Qiao:
28. March 2015
Qiao is in Chongqing
2. April 2015
Qiao back in Shanghai, Gerrit in Norway
6. April 2015
Gerrit is unsatisfied with a chat with Qiao and sends a mail:
7. March 2015
Qiao tells he can’t live without Gerrit but he is not sure if he can live with him. He lost his sexual interest in Gerrit and probably his sex drive at all. I feels tired of the conversation. But Gerrit does as well.
13. April 2015
Qiao want to come to Berlin:
He said he wants to come in May. Gerrit is not convinced. He is afraid that Qiao will be bored and in bad mood and start arguments with him, because there is no task for him in Berlin.
19. April 2015
Qiao mentions future option for him and us:
3. May 2015
Qiao has obviously a luxery life with his friend Steve, with whom he said he will not start a relationship. He wants to go to America. Gerrit has the feeling that his relationship to Qiao is now on a deep level.
7. May 2015
Mail from Qiao:
18. May 2015
Gerrit and Qiao agree on Qiao’s coming to Berlin in September/October.
2. June 2016
Qiao failed an exam and has to make it up. He lives in the apartment of Steve. Steve would prefer to live with Qiao in Australia. Qiao is now looking for a job in Shanghai and not anymore interested to come to Berlin. He is a bit short in money and wants from Gerrit 2.000 Euro, but Gerrit just send 1.000 Euro.
29. June 2015
Qiao unfolds his future plans:
9. July 2015
Qiao get a 5-years-visa and wants to come in August to Berlin. He wants to go for a language school, and in September, while I will be in the US, he wants to go with Steve to Gerrit’s cottage in Norway.
16. July 2015
Gerrit booked a flight for Qiao to Berlin. Qiao thinks that the probability is hight that he will stay in Berlin.
30. July 2015
Mail from Qiao for Gerrit:
3. August 2015
Qiao starts a process to apply for the company Deloitte. Gerrit questions whether he will come to Berlin or not. Qiao tells that he might come later to Berlin, and Gerrit should not book now a language course for him.
5. August 2015
Qiao booked a trip for him and Steve:
Qiao confirms his coming to Berlin and asked Gerrit to the language course:
8. August 2015
Qiao arrives in Berlin, having a good time with Gerrit. Qiao is very occupied preparing his trip with Steve.
18. August 2015
Qiao is not anymore so much into Sex. Gerrit wants him to communicate more when he wants to go somewhere and not just disappear. He wants also less discussions in the way to use clichés about China and Germany. Some frictions about this and that. Common biking trip. Qiao is frustrated without telling the reason clearly.
22. August 2015
Haus warming party Mosischstr. 3a. Qiao has no mood to take part in it and keeps staying in his room. Qiao utters that it might be the best to return to Shanghai right after the trip with Steve to the north to look for work. He has not anymore interest in a language course since he thinks it makes no sense. Berlin is dirty and poor, the Germans are narrow. Shanghai is splendid, rich and perfect. Qiao wants to join a sailing course, but it doesn’t work out.
22. August 2015
Gerrit wants Qiao to make clearer decisions about how to shape is future referring to study and/or work. Qiao feels pestered by this question and claims to be a rebel, doing the opposite of what is expected.
28. August 2015
After Kanu and bike trip Qiao is in a better mood. I started to learn German for himself and talks about to stay longer in Berlin.
3. September 2015
Gerrit leaves for the USA, Qiao continue staying in M3a. Steve encourage him to find a job in Shanghai. The situation is still undecided.
3. September 2015
Qiao tells Gerrit is plans, he wants to look for work for “a few years at least”:
Gerrit stats from himself the following facts: Qiao is looking for work in Shanghai for some years, but preferable work related to Germany. He wants to continue German learning. He relies on the financial power of Steve. If I come to Shanghai it is not clear if I can stay with him, because he is with Steve.
10. September 2015
Qiao write some insights from Shanghai:
8. Oktober 2015
Qiao writes about his future to Gerrit who is in the US. He wants to live a certain time n Shanghai or Chongqing, and when Steve finds a new job he wants to live with him for a certain time.
15. Oktober 2015
Qiao starts to enjoy the life in Berlin:
19. Oktober 2015
Gerrit is back in Berlin. Qiao prepared a nice welcome to him.
31. Oktober 2015
So far Gerrit and Qiao had a good time. Qiao visited Steve in Copenhagen, he is talking about having “two boyfriends”. End of November Qiao want to stay with Steve in India.
3. November 2015
Qiao leaves Berlin. Although the last time was rather harmonious he comes to the conclusion that its doesn’t work well between us. In Sex he tells that he changes from bottom to top, which does not work with Gerrit. He wants more independency and freedom. And he feels more attracted to Steve who can offer him more, financially and sexually. Gerrit has the feeling it will be a good bye for long time.
12. November 2015
Qiao sends messages indicating bad mood:
Gerrit answers by mail:
31. December 2015
Qiao on the Philippines, making a diving course with Steve.
27. January 2016
Qiao writes about his plans to Gerrit:
6. March 2016
Generally there is little contact with Qiao.
18. March 2016
Gerrit answers a mail of Qiao:
12. April 2016
Qiao has temporarily work and answers a mail of Gerrit with some depressive undertone:
20. April 2016
Steve leaves Shanghai and Qiao will start a work:
3. May 2016
Qiao has a work to proceed data. He rent a small apartment which eats up half of his income. With his friend Ding he visits lectures of an American economy professor. Ding has fallen in love to Qiao, but she can’t succeed. Qiao misses Gerrit and Steve. He says he might work one year in Shanghai and then try to come to Gerrit or to Steve. Gerrit is put in the “German corner”:
6. March 2016
Qiao seems not to be satisfied with his work:
11. June 2016
Qiao and Gerrit have also long mail converations about political and philosophical topics.
1. July 2016
There is a big shift: Qiao is fired in his Job. He wants now to come to Berlin study language and prepare for future job. Bit career is not anymore his thing, as he says. He has enough of China now and misses Gerrit.
Gerrit is afraid about it might end up again in a big frustration. And an immediate coming would not fit in his plans, but he tries to adapt.
5. July 2016
9. July 2016
Gerrit ask Qiao about his coming to Berlin:
17. July 2016
The situation with Qiao is still unclear whether he will come to Berlin or not, and if, how long.
1. August 2016
Phone call with Qiao. He will not come before November or December. He wants to travel to the US to meet Steve.
4. August 2016
Qiao talks about job offers of SAP. It looks like he wants Gerrit to fight more for his coming. Gerrit does not want to change planes again and again, in cases he has made commitments to other people. Furthermore is he afraid, the old problems might appear again.
9. August 2016
Qiao want to come directly to Norway.
14. August 2016
Qiao landed in Oslo
19. August 2016
Gerrit and Qiao have a rather good time in Tynset. But some eople complain that he does not keeps order and is not considerate.
10. September 2016
Qiao comes from Norway to Berlin. He tells that he is not anymore so much sexually attracted to Gerrit, but he loves him.
18. September 2016
Qiao moves himself rather independently in Berlin so see places and friends and spends rather often nights with other people. Towards Gerrit he complains a lot about the German language, Berlin, bad Chinese Restaurants in Germany and other things.
22. September 2016
Qiao visits a Language school to have a look.
24. September 2016
While a bike trip Qiao ask Gerrit if it would be better if they were “just friends”.
26. September 2016
Qiao engages himself in Kindertheater „Atze“. Gerrit complains that Qiao is either not at home, occupied with his mobile phone or sleeping – no time to spend with Gerrit.
6. October 2016
Qiao sends a remarkable message to Gerrit who arrived in the meantime on Tenerife:
19. October 2016
28. October 2016
Qiao wants to stay December, January and February in the US. February then to Beijing and March or April back in Berlin. He also talks again about a study in the US. He stays often overnight with his Theatre friend.
6. October 2016
Gerrit and Qiao have a last conversation before Gerrit leaves for Beijing from Tegel which ends in an ugly argument. Gerrit is upset as never before and rejects a last talk at TXL where they say good bye at the gate.
9. November 2016
Qiao is in the US with Steve. About the election of Trump he says:
13. September 2016
Gerrit, being in China and Qiao, being in the US, have a phone call. Qiao complains the last cold good bye. Gerrit does not want such a bad time with Qiao as before in Berlin.
14. September 2016
Gerrit sends the IF-mail to Qiao:
16. November 2016
Gerrit and Qiao had an extremely long conversation in which Gerrit stressed how unsatisfied he has been with Qiao while staying together in Berlin – and the other way round.
24. November 2016
Further fruitless mail discussions with Qiao. He goes with Steve to Alaska.
28. November 2016
Message from Qiao:
2. December 2016
14. December 2016
Qiao coming from the US has to go to Freiburg via Berlin, but no time to meet Gerrit. But later the actor school in Freiburg canceled the appointment.
14. December 2016
Qiao tells that he and Steve do not fit to each other. He does not want to be dependent on anybody.
10. January 2017
23. January 2017
Qiao tells that in March he will start a job in Shanghai with 3.000 Euro a month.
23. January 2017
Qiao tells about his work in Shanghai:
5. April 2017
5. April 2017
16. April 2017
Gerrit explains reasons of the problems with Qiao from his point of view. Qiao announces that he will come next summer to do the divorce papers.
12. June 2016
Gerrit chats with Qiao. Qiao mentions to study in Europe, but not Berlin.
20. June 2017
Short mail interchange:
24. June 2017
Qiao sends a mail to Gerrit an told him it is time to go.
6. July 2017
Messages from Qiao:
9. July 2017
Qiao has interest in the Tynset house:
26. August 2017
Chat about political topics. Qiao ask Gerrit to „Think longer and bigger“. No talk about emotional or personal themes.
30. August 2017
Mail from Qiao about better understanding:
8. September 2017
Qiao asked for some documents to facilitate is entry in Bocconi university Milano:
17. October 2017
Qiao writes a super long mail to Gerrit, telling he loves him, but sees problem to realize a common life since he is and will be so busy.
4. November 2017
Plan Gerrit will visit Qiao in Milano
6. November 2017
Qiao ask Gerrit to stop contact with young gay men and tells him that he has now a relationship with a guy in his age:
4. December 2017
Qiao visits Gerrit in Berlin. Qiao has little time to spend with Gerrit in Berlin because of other visits/tasks. They do a walk in Plänterwald which left a sceptical out coming.
Qiao answers and tells that he will try to get an internship in Bonn or Berlin to live together with Gerrit. And to focus more on the future than the past.
16. February 2018
Qiao thinks there is a second Chance with Gerrit, but he is not confident about it.
16. February 2018
Qiao again tells that he thinks it is better for us to be just friends.